I love you...

Back to poems...! I'm kinda rusty, so...bear with me.

As I lie in my coffin,
I realize that it’s too late,
Too late to come back to you,
Too late to spend more time with you,
Too late to understand I can never love you again,
Pity… All the good times had to end,
The dreams abruptly broken, reality disheartening,
Threatening… to take the breath out of me,
Already dead… I see you through my lifeless eyes,
Tears flowing down your beautiful cheeks,
The cheeks that I can never kiss again,
Oh…I wish to throw my arms around you,
To hug you and say I love you…
But the walls of this coffin allow me not…
Dear, I never knew you loved me as much…
Your tears betray your true feelings,
Why ? Why ? didn’t you tell me…?
I’d have lived to see you happy, lived to live with you,
But, then, all was lost, I didn’t have a chance to win you,
No point in sticking around I thought…a mistake.
God, please give me back my soul,
I’ll come back to you later…
But, now, I just want to wake up, break this wall,
Rush to my beloved, hug her, kiss her and say
I love you.

All the world's a stage !

"All the world's a stage". In the current scenario, the adeptness of this thought strikes me as fascinating. Here I was, flying into college with clipped wings, hoping to find friendship, love, joy, ecstacy and what not. Two years have passed since and I'm wiser for the experience. Suddenly, I found my bag full with soulmates, best friends, so-called friends and fakes. People never miss an opportunity to steal your 15 seconds of fame, and the more you begin to flourish, the more they begin to flounder. Too much of my life has been wasted in living for the ones who never mean an ounce for me personally. In fact, I tried to adjust, tried to cut down on my attitude, chained myself down just so that these fakes stop passing rumors about me. Whatever I do, every action, every emotion of mine seems to them as an attempt to sabotage their plans of impressing the opposite sex.

In that sense, I myself am a faker, putting on different masks while interacting with these guys. I imagine that my interaction will bring us close and make them stop passsing rumors but they never change. Either they are just looking for an opportunity to pull me down or waiting for my one elusive slip, to be able to rejoice at my failure. Sadly, they spend all their time spying on me that they don't find time to acheive something for themselves. Sometimes, it hurts but you've got to live with it. There's no time in life for brooding, right ?

It helps that I have a gang of unbelievable friends, to be able to support me emotionally through these difficult times. It sounds cliche, but the value of friends is something you can never write about. It has to be experienced.

So, I'm sure that when I pass out of college into the real world, I'll be coming across even more competition, even more jealousy, even more controversy, even more fakes. I never feel the need to be unhappy about it. I'm quite sure that I'll also be coming across even more joy, even more ecstasy, even more friends and even more soulmates. Cheers to life !

Mr. Dreamy Guy

So, finally after experiencing a series of nail-biting thrillers by the name “exams” it’s time to look forward to eternal bliss. Holidays do not come at a better time ! It’s goodbye to being Mr. Goody shoes, Master of professional ethics, Discipline College of education.
Give me a break ! Experimenting is the in-thing. So, adieu Mr. Clean shave. Bye bye Short hair. Farewell Mr. Formals !
My poor sleeveless ! My dear jeans..! My darling ear-stud ! Mr. Cooling glass ! Here comes SuperDude to the rescue !
The ripped muscles on display. Where are the girls ?!
The bike ! The freedom ! The high 100s ! The visits to mocha…coffee day !
Here am I, dreaming of all the things that I could do in these holidays ! One month of Nirvana ! Hanging out never seemed so much fun. My poor college professors ! If only Mr. Intolerable pain-in-the-back chances upon me ! What a shock it must be to him !
Wings cropped up on either of my sides and I was ready to take flight into heaven !
One…Two…Thr…
“ Vishnu !”
Curses !!
“ Yes ma…”
“We’ll have to go to the temple today !”
“Temple ! Yuck ! Why can’t we go to Barista ?” I think to myself.
“What did you say ?”
“Nothing ! Nothing !”
“Ok. And the vegetables ! Go get them ! And shave your French beard ! It looks disgusting…”
Hmmm…And these guys still say dreams come true !!

Ten minutes...

Traffic was at an all time high. I had difficulty in even maneuvering the handle-bar. I grew increasingly annoyed at the lack of communication. Irritated at the score of vehicles in front of me. I had to somehow reach the place. Soon. Three more seconds, two more… I strangled the accelerator, the Pulsar made a screeching sound, and I was off…

Finally, I was hitting top speed, the high 100s in a busy road. Honk, honk, honk and the stupid people scattered. I was flying… I could see a truck waiting to turn. I honked…The idiot. He had to wait.

Honk, honk, honk…

Suddenly, it seemed to me that the driver couldn’t hear me. Suddenly, I had this funny feeling that the truck driver was indeed going to turn. Horror drowned, I tried to twist the handle-bar. The tyres went screech…I hit the truck full force, the headlights crunched, and I was flung into the air, really flying this time, and just before I hit the ground, I realized to my dismay that my helmet lay on my bed at home.

“search him…He must have some phone in his pocket. Call his mom, dad, someone…Quick…”
“hey, here..here it is…”
“Quick…Quick…”
“No need..There’s the ambulance..Call later…First lift him onto the stretcher. Come on, quick…”

I could sense my limp body being lifted and put on the stretcher. My eyes were blurred, my breathing heavy. I suddenly rememberd. “The message…The message….” I spoke, spewing blood. “What message ?” the man who helped me into the ambulance spoke in my ear. “My cell…The message…”

I could sense him taking my cell phone out. “Ya, some message…Not important. Lie down. Lie down. Don’t strain yourself. “

“Re..Read it….”

“It just says “No need to come. I’ll come by auto.”…”

I smiled, and I heard the ambulance siren splitting the traffic, the gentleman by my side looking at me with a curious face…And I thought to myself sadly...Oh mom…

Ten minutes too late….

Then… I thought of the doctor at the hospital… He would say the same thing…
And I smiled…

Black and white...

The ocean’s blue, vast and lonely,
Reminds me of myself, my own life,
So much a failure, so much a disappointment,
Hopes and dreams, reached the skies,
Ten months of crucifix-pain, dying by the hour,
All seems in vain, all seems to be lost.

I knew a bright future was ahead at one,
The antics, the joy you brought to me,
Gave me ecstasy amidst the growing storm,
Things were to turn sour, I wasn’t worried.
I’ve got you, my rose of the desert,
I’ve got you.

I knew you’d be a star at seven,
Picking up marks, rag-picker like,
Singing your way to glory, and,
dancing your way to records,
The future Shah Rukh Khan, the badshah.
I’d die to do a duet with you, my angel.

Things flipped at fourteen, first signs,
Adolescence, the man of the moment,
You started to think of me as a no-brainer.
Girls caught your fancy, you became a dog,
Tongues out, chasing them, first signs of trouble.
Fights seemed common, my dreams seemed
To blur, anguish writ I wait for you.

Eighteen now, first time voter, bearded,
Into smoke, drinks, girls and nv.
All your talents thrown to the wind,
Every move of yours, a disgrace.
Everyone’s complaining, thrashed up by
The police, for illegal sex trade, and, still,
I preferred to believe, you’re innocent.

Twenty came, pain and sorrow tagged along,
First time you raised your hand to beat me,
Black and blue, inflated cheeks, deflated heart,
The jail, your second home. The prostitute’s. your first.
The walls, the floors, the world all had something to say,
Not the fame I foresaw, but the pain I overlooked.
My dreams, our household, came crashing down.

Enough…I can’t go on longer. I need space.. peace.
I’m happy by myself, silently joyful, without you.
It is true, I gave birth to you, ten months, I held you,
You’ve repaid me already, ten years, of bliss.
Enough… You’re past your sell-by date. Leave me alone.
I think of the future… more hurt, more sorrow…
I don’t need it. Oh God, have pity on me. Take him away.
Life is beautiful without you…