Dead...

When death reaches out for us, I pray,
That I die before you, I’d never bear to be
At your funeral, to see your lifeless face,
So beautiful even in death, or, touch your forehead
At the morgue, I can sense tears in my eyes
Even thinking of it, dear, so I pray…
Someday when I’m dead, you can talk about me,
To your grandchildren, and then I hope they say
“granny…he loved you so much…”
And I want you to not cry at that dear,
But, to smile…your beautiful smile.

Love...

You’d never know how much I cared for you,
You are my heartbeat, my life, my all,
My words may fill a page, not your heart,
Life’s beauty, a fate I need to accept,
But, when I look at you, I think, maybe,
It’s worth the pain just to see you smile.

They say loving someone is nothing,
Someone loving you is something,
I don’t need that something in my life,
I’d be happy with that nothing, because,
In my life, Nothing is everything for me…
My dearest.

Joy of my life...

Sometimes I’d approach you to speak to you,
And, then, something happens, mind blanks,
I get Alzheimer’s…I’m still not able to decipher,
It’s got nothing to do with love, but,
Something to do with YOU… My beautiful angel,
I agree, all the times we spent together,
Will remain etched in my memory,
No one can take it away from me,
I will live in my fantasy world, hoping
In my wildest dreams, I can be with you
Forever, but, I know my time is short,
Four years is all that I’ve got…

You know about me, don’t you ? I know my limits,
I’d never dare to exceed them, hurting you
Will surely kill me more than your silence will.
I don’t need the world to be happy,
I need you for YOU are my world,
The closer you are to me, the happier I am,
You don’t need to be perfect,
But you are so perfect for me,
In you, I have found myself, and,
In you, I’ve found the greatest joy of my life,
And, When I am wit you, I never want to leave…
My dearest…

My dear...

As we grow older, and your hair becomes white,
I’d look back to these beautiful days,
The days when I yearned for you, waited,
For your messages, your call, hours on end,
Looking at my phone, and when a beep rings,
I jump to see if it is from you, then throw it back
Disappointed, never was it love, something greater…
You were a part of me, and I needed your messages,
For they were my tonic, for the best thing about me
Is you…I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again,
As we grow older, we continue to change, but,
One thing will never change, my dearest, that
I will still continue to love you.

You...

God is truly amazing, sometimes, I wondered,
Why he gave me, two eyes, two ears,
Two legs and two hands, but only one heart ?
But, then I realized, oh…you have the other…!
My love for you can never be explained,
My silence when I look at you speaks much more
Than the words filling these pages,
But, never mind, I want to enjoy my time wit yo,
I’d always admire God for what he does,
Things we love remain only for a few moments,
Like a passing cloud, a rainbow, your smile,
God gives me an angel, but, then, threatens
To take her away at 23, to me you are everything,
And when you leave me, I will be left wit nothing.
Nothing but your memories, my dearest,
But, it is enough, I’d go without food, water, shelter,
But, never in my life would I survive without
You.

Timeline...

You gave me a time-limit to write about you,
Give me the poems on the 22nd you say,
There might be a timeline for my life,
Never a timeline for me to write about you,
You know words just flow, unending,
When I think of you I lose track of time,
Give me a pen and millions of paper, I’d sit through
To the end of my life, to write about you.

Imperfect...

Three years have passed, flown like the wind,
All that remains are the memories of you and me,
Together, the happiness, the joy, the pain, the sorrow,
And I wonder if I’d forever be a fool,
Loving you, yearning for you, your smile,
Oh...but, I remember, the days you’d just look,
Past me, not daring to meet my eyes,
The pain, the torture, was something I couldn’t bear.

I’m tired of crying, of trying to explain,
What did I expect from you ? Love ? maybe…
I’ve tried to move on, to forget you…
But, when I close my eyes…all I see is you.
All the times I’ve cried, it has no meaning,
Tears are only for the dustbin, I understand,
The hurt, the pain, it kills me...but, still,
I’m not able to stop…’coz when I close my eyes,
All I see is you…

You ask me to prove my love by dying for you,
And I say NO…not because I’m afraid of death,
I’m just afraid there’d be no one for you,
In your future, you’d need me, to face your fears,
Hold my hand to win the world, I want to be around,
To teach your children, grandchildren, my dearest…
Doesn’t matter if you care not for me, but, you do,
You accept me as the imperfect guy I am.
My affection for you is eternal, it will never die,
I will never be able to stop, because, when I close my eyes,
All I see is you…and all I want say to you is…
I love you.

The night...

One day you will turn around and ask me,
“How much do you love me ?”
And with a blank face, I’d look at you,
And say, how can my love be measured ?
It’s like the ocean, infinite, vast, and never-ending,
My love can never be measured, it’s not
How many times I say I love you,
It’s just how much I really do, one day,
I’ll look up into the starry night sky,
And I will look for the moon, for in the moon,
I see you my angel, they say loving you is wrong,
But, I say to them, I never want to be right again,
And, I will always love you, through the length,
Breadth and depths of my heart, my dearest,
I know my time is short, you will marry someone,
And I’d have to say goodbye to you, but, never
Will I stop loving you, you are my heartbeat,
Why am I afraid to lose you when you are not mine ?
For that I have no answer, but, sometimes I believe,
Saying goodbye is just a painful way of saying,
I love you….

Tears...

Just promise me this, one day
when it’s time for us to part,
to take the different routes God
gave us, you’ll look back, and,
remember the times we spent
together, once your tears have dried,
and your spirits soar again, you will
sit back, touch your heart, take these
poems out and read them, a tear
will fall from your beautiful eyes,
and I just hope that wherever I might be,
In India, America or heaven, I’d be
By your side to wipe your tears,
Not physically, but, atleast in your memories,
You’d remember that this guy wanted you
To never cry again in your life, and,
Out of the respect for an idiot who loved you,
You’d lift your heavenly fingers,
And just wipe the tear off your cheeks,
And say to yourself, this one is for you Vishnu.
And I promise you, wherever I might be
At that point of time, I will sense your actions,
And I will smile, and fall in love again.

I love you...

Back to poems...! I'm kinda rusty, so...bear with me.

As I lie in my coffin,
I realize that it’s too late,
Too late to come back to you,
Too late to spend more time with you,
Too late to understand I can never love you again,
Pity… All the good times had to end,
The dreams abruptly broken, reality disheartening,
Threatening… to take the breath out of me,
Already dead… I see you through my lifeless eyes,
Tears flowing down your beautiful cheeks,
The cheeks that I can never kiss again,
Oh…I wish to throw my arms around you,
To hug you and say I love you…
But the walls of this coffin allow me not…
Dear, I never knew you loved me as much…
Your tears betray your true feelings,
Why ? Why ? didn’t you tell me…?
I’d have lived to see you happy, lived to live with you,
But, then, all was lost, I didn’t have a chance to win you,
No point in sticking around I thought…a mistake.
God, please give me back my soul,
I’ll come back to you later…
But, now, I just want to wake up, break this wall,
Rush to my beloved, hug her, kiss her and say
I love you.

All the world's a stage !

"All the world's a stage". In the current scenario, the adeptness of this thought strikes me as fascinating. Here I was, flying into college with clipped wings, hoping to find friendship, love, joy, ecstacy and what not. Two years have passed since and I'm wiser for the experience. Suddenly, I found my bag full with soulmates, best friends, so-called friends and fakes. People never miss an opportunity to steal your 15 seconds of fame, and the more you begin to flourish, the more they begin to flounder. Too much of my life has been wasted in living for the ones who never mean an ounce for me personally. In fact, I tried to adjust, tried to cut down on my attitude, chained myself down just so that these fakes stop passing rumors about me. Whatever I do, every action, every emotion of mine seems to them as an attempt to sabotage their plans of impressing the opposite sex.

In that sense, I myself am a faker, putting on different masks while interacting with these guys. I imagine that my interaction will bring us close and make them stop passsing rumors but they never change. Either they are just looking for an opportunity to pull me down or waiting for my one elusive slip, to be able to rejoice at my failure. Sadly, they spend all their time spying on me that they don't find time to acheive something for themselves. Sometimes, it hurts but you've got to live with it. There's no time in life for brooding, right ?

It helps that I have a gang of unbelievable friends, to be able to support me emotionally through these difficult times. It sounds cliche, but the value of friends is something you can never write about. It has to be experienced.

So, I'm sure that when I pass out of college into the real world, I'll be coming across even more competition, even more jealousy, even more controversy, even more fakes. I never feel the need to be unhappy about it. I'm quite sure that I'll also be coming across even more joy, even more ecstasy, even more friends and even more soulmates. Cheers to life !

Mr. Dreamy Guy

So, finally after experiencing a series of nail-biting thrillers by the name “exams” it’s time to look forward to eternal bliss. Holidays do not come at a better time ! It’s goodbye to being Mr. Goody shoes, Master of professional ethics, Discipline College of education.
Give me a break ! Experimenting is the in-thing. So, adieu Mr. Clean shave. Bye bye Short hair. Farewell Mr. Formals !
My poor sleeveless ! My dear jeans..! My darling ear-stud ! Mr. Cooling glass ! Here comes SuperDude to the rescue !
The ripped muscles on display. Where are the girls ?!
The bike ! The freedom ! The high 100s ! The visits to mocha…coffee day !
Here am I, dreaming of all the things that I could do in these holidays ! One month of Nirvana ! Hanging out never seemed so much fun. My poor college professors ! If only Mr. Intolerable pain-in-the-back chances upon me ! What a shock it must be to him !
Wings cropped up on either of my sides and I was ready to take flight into heaven !
One…Two…Thr…
“ Vishnu !”
Curses !!
“ Yes ma…”
“We’ll have to go to the temple today !”
“Temple ! Yuck ! Why can’t we go to Barista ?” I think to myself.
“What did you say ?”
“Nothing ! Nothing !”
“Ok. And the vegetables ! Go get them ! And shave your French beard ! It looks disgusting…”
Hmmm…And these guys still say dreams come true !!

Ten minutes...

Traffic was at an all time high. I had difficulty in even maneuvering the handle-bar. I grew increasingly annoyed at the lack of communication. Irritated at the score of vehicles in front of me. I had to somehow reach the place. Soon. Three more seconds, two more… I strangled the accelerator, the Pulsar made a screeching sound, and I was off…

Finally, I was hitting top speed, the high 100s in a busy road. Honk, honk, honk and the stupid people scattered. I was flying… I could see a truck waiting to turn. I honked…The idiot. He had to wait.

Honk, honk, honk…

Suddenly, it seemed to me that the driver couldn’t hear me. Suddenly, I had this funny feeling that the truck driver was indeed going to turn. Horror drowned, I tried to twist the handle-bar. The tyres went screech…I hit the truck full force, the headlights crunched, and I was flung into the air, really flying this time, and just before I hit the ground, I realized to my dismay that my helmet lay on my bed at home.

“search him…He must have some phone in his pocket. Call his mom, dad, someone…Quick…”
“hey, here..here it is…”
“Quick…Quick…”
“No need..There’s the ambulance..Call later…First lift him onto the stretcher. Come on, quick…”

I could sense my limp body being lifted and put on the stretcher. My eyes were blurred, my breathing heavy. I suddenly rememberd. “The message…The message….” I spoke, spewing blood. “What message ?” the man who helped me into the ambulance spoke in my ear. “My cell…The message…”

I could sense him taking my cell phone out. “Ya, some message…Not important. Lie down. Lie down. Don’t strain yourself. “

“Re..Read it….”

“It just says “No need to come. I’ll come by auto.”…”

I smiled, and I heard the ambulance siren splitting the traffic, the gentleman by my side looking at me with a curious face…And I thought to myself sadly...Oh mom…

Ten minutes too late….

Then… I thought of the doctor at the hospital… He would say the same thing…
And I smiled…

Black and white...

The ocean’s blue, vast and lonely,
Reminds me of myself, my own life,
So much a failure, so much a disappointment,
Hopes and dreams, reached the skies,
Ten months of crucifix-pain, dying by the hour,
All seems in vain, all seems to be lost.

I knew a bright future was ahead at one,
The antics, the joy you brought to me,
Gave me ecstasy amidst the growing storm,
Things were to turn sour, I wasn’t worried.
I’ve got you, my rose of the desert,
I’ve got you.

I knew you’d be a star at seven,
Picking up marks, rag-picker like,
Singing your way to glory, and,
dancing your way to records,
The future Shah Rukh Khan, the badshah.
I’d die to do a duet with you, my angel.

Things flipped at fourteen, first signs,
Adolescence, the man of the moment,
You started to think of me as a no-brainer.
Girls caught your fancy, you became a dog,
Tongues out, chasing them, first signs of trouble.
Fights seemed common, my dreams seemed
To blur, anguish writ I wait for you.

Eighteen now, first time voter, bearded,
Into smoke, drinks, girls and nv.
All your talents thrown to the wind,
Every move of yours, a disgrace.
Everyone’s complaining, thrashed up by
The police, for illegal sex trade, and, still,
I preferred to believe, you’re innocent.

Twenty came, pain and sorrow tagged along,
First time you raised your hand to beat me,
Black and blue, inflated cheeks, deflated heart,
The jail, your second home. The prostitute’s. your first.
The walls, the floors, the world all had something to say,
Not the fame I foresaw, but the pain I overlooked.
My dreams, our household, came crashing down.

Enough…I can’t go on longer. I need space.. peace.
I’m happy by myself, silently joyful, without you.
It is true, I gave birth to you, ten months, I held you,
You’ve repaid me already, ten years, of bliss.
Enough… You’re past your sell-by date. Leave me alone.
I think of the future… more hurt, more sorrow…
I don’t need it. Oh God, have pity on me. Take him away.
Life is beautiful without you…

Come on...

Vanquished, ashes of burning fire,
Intricate web,and, complex emotions,
Shining star, on a cloudy night,
History beckons, shortfalls too many,
Night's tears never visible,
Ultimate joy, buried under unbearable pain.
Don't give up...
Come on !!

Mirage...

Prince of paupers,
Rich in heart,but, love repels,
Architect of failure,
Kind words hurt me,
All her love, a mirage,
Sword of silence slices thro' me,
Hurt and agony, fate and destiny.

Dark knight...

Somewhere alone, oh my beloved,
In my dreams, oh so divine,
Nectar sweet, the hope of bliss,
Dark knight, an angel's delight,
Hero's welcome, the con of man,
Upstart, brought down to earth,
Jack of none, the master of none,
All is not well in life...